The Conflict
She was running down the street, her heart pounding in her chest. Her blue eyes were swimming with tears as she moved through the mist. What was she supposed to do? With her thoughts focused only at her own terrible fate she barely noticed the green Opel which missed her by inches. All her senses were fixated at this one question; What would he say?
He gave a huge sigh and placed his trunk in the corner. Finally; home, sweet home. «DADDY!» A cute little thing came sprinting down the stairs, the long blond hair fluttering behind her. When she finally was standing in front of her dad, the little girl folded her hands and examined him. «Have you brought me something?» she asked with a string and precocious look.
The rain was plunging down and fell with dump dashes to the ground, good for nothing but concealing her tears. It was a conflict going on inside her, so hard she didn't know if she could bear it. So hard she didn't know if she could go through with it. But she had made her mind. She had to do it. If not... What would he say?
The little girl was roaring with laughter as she leapt over the grass, playing with the doll she had just got. Her mum smiled and laughed at the childish happiness. But as she looked up to see her daughter's beautiful, blond curls flutter in the breeze, she caught a glimpse of a dark man in the corner of her eye. With a little shriek she jumped up and sprinted towards her husband. The moment after she was staring into the warm blue eyes which her daughter had inherited.
Determined she walked, her eyes fixed on the building at the end of the lane. This was it, she was nearly there. Just a few more steps... She was now so close she could read the sign, but she already knew what was written there. As she didn't want to read the words, she focused on the door. So close now. She could feel her heart pounding faster as she reached out her hand and touched the handle.
His eyes twinkled as he seized a small silver-wrapped present from beneath his shirt. «You didn't think I had forgotten about you, did you?» He smiled, but, to tease her, held the glaring present just out of reach. His wife laughed and threw herself at him, trying to get hold of it. When she finally succeeded, she immediately wrapped open the paper and stared at the content. «You remembered,» she whispered, looking happily at her husband, her eyes swimming with tears.
The corridor she was walking through seemed a hundred miles, even though she knew it could be no more than 50 feet. But even so, she reached the end of it and entered a little room. There sat about five other girls, all looking frightened. One of them caught her attention. She was standing with an older boy who tried to comfort her, but he looked about just as frightened himself. Either boyfriend or maybe brother, she did not know, but it wasn't him who had caught her attention. The girl was so young. Away to young. As she stared at her, a blond woman dressed in white called out a name, and the young girl responded with a jerk of her head. The boy squeezed her hand and she went after the woman, leaving him looking petrified.
«Hey, Granny, take a picture of me,» the little girl shouted for the seventh time. «What about I take a picture of all three of you?» her grandmother replied and smiled at her. The blond girl seemed to find this a great idea and ran to fetch her parents. «Everybody say cheese,» she cried and gave away her biggest smile as her grandmother stood ready to snap.
She looked around at all the terrified faces, knowing her own face was just as terror-stricken. But she had no choice, what would he say? Suddenly the door opened. This time it was not another woman dressed in white, but the young girl. The boy got up and as he closed the door behind them, she could hear the girl's whispering «I couldn't do it, I just couldn't...» But at that moment the door opened once more and the blond woman called her name.
He whirled his daughter around and watched her throwing her head back, roaring with laughter. «Once more,» she begged when he stopped. «Please, once more?» She made her eyes big and innocent. «All right then,» he laughed and lifted her once more up into the air.
«Please, lie down here,» an unusual tall woman said and pointed to a silver bed covered with a white blanket. She was in a room covered in light so bright that her eyes burned. The bed felt cold and unpleasant to her back. «Now, this will be quick and it almost won't hurt at all,» the tall woman said and smiled as she took up a silver instrument.
He was running in the garden, playing hide and seek with his daughter. Suddenly everything came to a stop. The trees disappeared before his eyes, and it was as if his life was passing in review backwards. He could see all his happiest memories; the day his daughter was born, the day he got married, his first day at school... The last thing he saw was clear but weird, as if it wasn't his own memory. It was a young version of his mother lying in an overlighted room. Above her stood an unusual tall woman, holding a silver instrument in her hands; then everything went dark.
Finally it was over. But as she walked through the corridor, the feelings going on inside her was nothing like relief. Suddenly, in a glimpse, she saw a picture of three persons inside her head. She had a weird feeling, that it was she who had taken the picture, but she couldn't remember when. It was like in another life. The little girl had beautiful, blond curls, but it was the eyes she noticed. The very same bright blue eyes she saw in the mirror every morning. Her hair the little girl clearly had from her mother, but the eyes came from her father. The father looked happy; he had one hand around his wife's wrist and one trying to flat out his dark untidy hair. The same dark hair she was struggling with every morning.
Outside the abortion clinic she collapsed. «What have I done,» she whispered. «What have I done..?»
